


clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose

by agentmmayy



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, Child Loss, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Miscarriage, Platonic Cuddling, aos smut week, graphic description of miscarriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-24
Updated: 2019-08-24
Packaged: 2020-09-25 03:21:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20369839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agentmmayy/pseuds/agentmmayy
Summary: Lincoln wasn't the only one Daisy lost.





	clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose

**Author's Note:**

  * For [marvelthismarvelthat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/marvelthismarvelthat/gifts).

> for alina who prompted the drabble "I lost the baby" for the drabble challenge last month. this is also for "cuddling" for Friday of the AoS Smut Week
> 
> as stated in the tags, this fic contains graphic descriptions and talk about a miscarriage. if this is unpleasant for you, please do not read this fic. thank you

Phil didn’t think he had ever felt this relieved in his entire life. Months after months of following, tracking, and searching for Daisy all just to come  _ this close _ time after time fell aside. She was here now. She was home. Even after a few days, it still felt like it was all a dream. Phil drew in a shaky breath, burying his nose in her hair. It was different. Daisy was different, but he didn’t care. Not when they got her back. 

Daisy clung to him equally as tight, burrowing herself against his chest. Her hands shook, fingers trembling from where they were hooked into his shirt. Phil only hugged her closer, murmuring soothing reassurances that faded into the silence of his and Melinda’s bedroom. 

Daisy was responsive only by the occasional sniffle and shudder against him, but then she pressed her cheek against his chest and whispered, almost too softly for him to hear. “I lost the baby.”

It took Phil’s brain a minute to process her words, but once he did, it felt like someone had punched him in the gut. Phil’s heart broke further. “Oh, Daisy.”

“I didn’t even know I was pregnant,” she said, voice startlingly hollow. “I just thought it was part of Hive left over but-” Her bottom lip trembled. “It wasn’t.” Daisy breathed in as if gathering the courage up before she began talking again. Phil couldn’t bring himself to stop her. 

“I woke up to this terrible cramping,” she began. “Everything hurt. It hurt so bad. I practically crawled into this sketchy gas station. No one even noticed. The bathroom was filthy, but I didn’t have anywhere else to go. I didn’t even make it to the toilet. I just- I just knelt on the disgusting floor and-” she broke off, sniffling. Phil was suddenly aware that he was crying too. 

“I don’t know how long it took,” Daisy said. “I tried to be quiet, but it  _ hurt _ . It felt like I was being ripped apart. There was blood everywhere. So much blood.” 

At that, Daisy began to sob. Her entire body shook with the force of them, but Phil only tightened his arms around her. 

“I- I caught it when it came out,” she cried, hiccupping with the effort to get the words out. “It was so small. It fit in my- my palm.” Daisy squeezed her eyes shut, trying to chase the memory away. She flexed her hands, re-fastened them in Phil’s shirt. They felt wet again with the phantom warmth she cradled on the floor of that bathroom. “And it had the tiniest little hands and fingers and feet and toes and- and ears. Its eyes couldn’t even open, but the shape was there and the  _ nose _ -”

Daisy stopped in order to cry, turning her face against Phil’s shoulder. He hugged her close, not daring to let go yet. 

“I wrapped it in my shirt,” Daisy said after a few moments. “I had a jacket, so I just tucked it under my jacket, cleaned up all the blood, then left like it never even happened. I was still bleeding.” She swallowed. “I buried it next to him.”

Even though he knew, Phil still asked, “Lincoln?”

Daisy nodded before she whispered, “It was still warm.”

“I’m so sorry, Daisy.”

“I couldn’t save him. I couldn’t even save our baby. How-”

“Hey,” Phil said sternly. “Hey, Daisy. Look at me.” Reluctantly, she did, red-rimmed eyes filling again when she saw the still damp tear tracks on his cheeks. “That was not your fault. You understand? That was not your fault.” 

“Why couldn’t I just had part of him left?” she asked, voice soft, broken. “Why did the universe take my baby too? That was all I had left of him.” 

“Hey, no it wasn’t,” Phil said, wiping her wet cheeks. “He’s still in your memories and in your heart. The universe can’t take that away.” 

Daisy nodded, tucking her head against Phil’s neck. He laid a hand on the back of her head, trying to be the anchor that Daisy had gone without for months. More tears pricked at his eyes. Daisy had gone through that  _ alone _ . 

A movement at the door caught his attention. Melinda stood there, and from the sheen of tears in her eyes, it was clear she heard everything. Phil felt his composure slip as she made her way toward them. 

Melinda’s expression mirrored the heartache he felt. She turned to Daisy and laid a gentle hand on her shoulder. At the contact, Daisy lifted her head up. When their met eyes, her face crumpled, and her breath hitched. “Mom.” 

It was hard to let go of Daisy, but he did. Phil watched as Melinda took her, sitting beside him on the bed as Daisy sobbed into her neck. When Melinda held a hand out to him, he took it and wrapped his arms around both of his girls, brushing a tear off Melinda’s cheek with his lips before kissing Daisy’s head as her cries pattered out. Even after they did, the three of them continued to sit on the bed, drawing and giving the comfort months apart had taken. 

“Can we make a gravestone or something?” Daisy eventually asked, albeit timidly. “Even if it hurts, I don’t want to forget.” 

Melinda brushed Daisy’s hair back while Phil squeezed her arm. “Of course we can.” 

“I don’t-” She wiped at her eyes, leaning into the hand Melinda set on her cheek. “I don’t know if it was a boy or girl or if it even had the chance to be, but it was mine, and I loved it. He would have loved it too.” 

Phil thought back to the utter devotion and love that Lincoln always had in his eyes whenever Daisy was around. “Yes, he would have.” 

Daisy went silent before she sent them a weary, wobbly smile. “Do you think the baby’s with him where- wherever he is?”

Melinda brought Daisy back against her and Phil and kissed her temple. “Yes.”

Though Phil’s back soon began to ache from how they were sitting, he made no effort to move. Neither did Melinda. They wouldn’t- couldn’t leave Daisy like this. She wasn’t alone anymore. She didn’t have to be. They’d be there for her through this and even after that. 


End file.
